Physical cancer vs. Spiritual cancer

Physical cancer.

Last week Doug felt impressed to deliver some "livestrong" wrist bands to my niece and nephew. Which may not seem like a big deal but given Doug's health traveling to Logan made me think twice!  I was worried sick about him going that far but he felt STRONGLY that they needed to be hand delivered.  SO OFF we went!  We jumped in the car one afternoon and headed down to Logan.  We called Elizabeth, my niece,  a few minutes before we got there so she knew we were coming but Josh was shocked..... Josh wanted to know what in the world we were doing there so Doug pulled out the the wristband and this note he wrote them to go along with it.  Here is part of what the note said, "Here's a wristband so you can share in the fight.  This battle is not limited to the physical cancer, which can't do any permanent damage but includes spiritual cancer has the potential to cause much more damage than any physical problem we might have. So remember as you wear this band, that as we rely on our Heavenly Father, and the atonement of our Savior Jesus Christ, that we can "LiveSTRONG" and put away the frailties and temptations that so often come our way. May we remember also to trust in our Heavenly Father, as Nephi did (2 Nephi 4:34-35) when those temptations and challenges arise, that our mission here on this earth may be fulfilled to the fullest extent possible.  It is my testimony that as we "Live STRONG" we will be blessed. " Love you brother in the gospel,  Doug

I am so glad we took the time to take these to Josh and Elizabeth because it touched them. It also touched us to see them so moved.   Anyone that knows Doug knows that this is exactly how he feels, and  how I feel as well. The day we found out, you may recall reading this earlier,  Doug was comforting his sad mother and said, "Mom my spirit is fine, they can do whatever they want to this body but it is my spirit that matters."  The physical cancer can't do anything to us 'eternally'  but make us spiritually stronger!  It is the spiritual cancer that satan wants to use to destroy us. It is our prayer that we can defeat spiritual cancer and  and go forth in our new found "LiveSTRONG" lives.

Dr. appointment

Just a quick  note to tell everyone how Doug's appointment went today.  The surgeon is pleased with Doug healing progress and he also got back his result for the micro-satellite instability. It came back negative. This is excellent news because if it was positive there is a greater chance it would affect our children more. Even at that, colon cancer is hereditary so they will watch our kids VERY close their entire lives.  Starting at about 30 they will start getting their colonoscopy.  They can blame Doug for all those good times that are ahead:))
Doug has now been referred to the oncologist and his appointment for that is Oct. 6th.  After Dr. Dixon reviews Doug's medical history he will decide if he will need further treatment.  Dr. Smith, the surgeon, knowing that oncology isn't his speciality, mentioned that the only reason he can see doing chemo is given Doug's age to make certain that all cancer cells are dead.  But then he smiled and said, "I'm not the oncologist so go see what he says."  Dr. Smith has been amazing to work with and we would recommend him to anyone!
Again, Thank you ALL for your love and support.  We pray every night for those of you that are praying for us. Our Heavenly Father watches over all His children.

"dad jobs"

We have always explained to Sam and Ethan that dad's have "dad jobs." Like if a dad is a teacher...that is his dad job. If a dad is a dentist...that is his dad job.  Doug is an engineer...that is his dad job.  Neither one liked to accept that they have to go to school and that is their job and daddy has to go to work.  It is a hard concept for little kids.  Somedays Ethan tells me, "I wish you went and did a dad job and daddy could be the one to stay home with me."  

Well, when Doug was in the hospital Ethan was concerned about dad's, 'dad job'.  Why wasn't he at work?  So we told him that while daddy is in the hospital he had a new dad job, "farting and pooping!"  And as funny as the kids thought that was, we were not joking at all! The first time Doug passed a little gas the nurses and doctors cheered for him.  They got so excited about any activity that was rumbling around down there:)

SO about a week later Ethan was riding with our friend to a parade and he says, "hey, did  you know that my dad has a new dad job?...it is farting and pooping."  life......

Doug was off of work for over 2 full weeks.  Idaho Labs, aka his boss?, has been nothing short of amazing and supportive.  While we were in the hospital they brought over 2 huge HUGE bags of snacks, lots of  games, coloring books, movies and treats for the kids.  Days later, when we got home, they show up with 25 or 30 (can't remember) free bambino cards, (for you people out there that don't know what a bambino is, it is a delicious grease pocket pizza.mmm), and a gift certificate to a local restaurant.  Then even a few days after that the company suburban pulls up with its trunk full of household items and food.  We again feel so blessed to be surrounded by people who have helped us these last few months.  Doug couldn't be working for a better company.   

"I HATE YOU!"

Doug is still doing great!  He says he fills like his insides are "jiggily".  So he walks a round, still a little bent over and slow, but he walks around holding his gut.  He does wear this very fashionable girdle, Ethan calls it his cast. That helps with the discomfort.  The most painful part of the day is when he has to sneeze.  It sounds like nothing I have ever heard before...Like a little girl being scared by a bear.  He lets out this hilarious little  high pitched and painful sounding squeal and then I hear a sigh like....."oh it's over. " 
He has even gained a little weight. After tipping the scales the other morning at an all time low...122lbs.  And me screaming in the back ground, "I hate you!"  He has made it his personal goal  to "PACK IT ON!"  If we can just figure out someway for me to donate some fat that would benefit everyone:) My sister offered first but I should have first say?

 He is still weak.  He doesn't like when I call him 'weak' but I don't know what else to say. I have asked him to come up with a better word and all he does is start flexing his huge arm muscles just like a body builder  (I am telling you ladies, he has all the moves)  and then he will say, "you call this weak?" So when I say 'weak' I am not talking about his muscle strength...Just his stamina.  He still requires a nap everyday but over all his is amazing and strong! He hopes to go back to work this week. I kinda take it personal like he doesn't want to be around us anymore:) j/k  I have loved having him home!  I am a little over protective right now.  You can understand?  I went from totally thinking he could be dying to all of the sudden the doctors being so optimistic about his outcome.  I  have really enjoyed being with him every moment of the day for the last 2 weeks.  We have had so much fun just being with each other and with the kids.  There isn't a night we don't go to bed and say to each other, "we are so blessed!" 
Tuesday Doug has a doctors appointment with the surgeon.  We are hoping that he will get back test results.  The mass was sent to a special lab where they looked for something called, "micro-satellite instability." This will help determine how the oncologist will treat Doug's cancer.  It is basically a genetic link and although there isn't any history of colon cancer, or any other cancer, Doug can still be the first generation to carry this.  It would affect how they will watch our children. 

This picture is an "exact replica" of Doug's intestines:))  My hilarious brother, Mike, made him a huge cookie of his 'insides!' How funny is he?  Doug hurt from laughing so .hard!  If you look closely you can see the "tumor" on the lower left side. The pink note says,"warning might taste like a pooh."  
Having Mike as my brother, I should have a six pack from laughing so hard.  He keeps life fun!




Quote of the night...

We went to the viewing tonight of Dennis Brown. It was really neat to see Laurie, his beautiful wife, and their 4 amazing boys standing beside her.  What a legacy they have created by raising these fine men!  When we walked into the funeral home. One of the funeral directors, who was also Dennis' home teaching companion, greeted us.  I said to him, "it is very nice to see you." And he responded back,"Me and Dennis would always say, 'better to be seen than viewed.'"  We laughed pretty hard about that and yes that is something Dennis would say!

Have an amazing weak....week everyone!

didn't make the cut---

Hours after my last post, a man that I admire deeply died of a heart attack.  Not only was he a good friend of ours but  he is also my sister's father-in-law.  

Dennis Brown is one of the greatest  men I have ever known.  You couldn't be around him with out laughing at his dry whit.  He spent his life doing everything for everyone else.  He is an the epitome of a "family man." He lived for his wife, 4 boys and their wives, and especially his grandkids.   He loved to give to others and serve his family.  I would often get calls from my sister, Melanie, telling me things like, "Dennis just dropped off a 4-wheeler for us." and "Dennis just brought us a new stove filled with cheetos."  "Dennis just left us a pizza for dinner."  The list can honestly go on for hours.    Dennis has spent his last 2 years serving his beautiful, amazing wife who was diagnosed  with breast cancer.  Together this couple has touched more lives than we can even imagine.  

When Dennis had his heart attack he was plumbing his son's house.  Of coarse he was doing something for someone else. 

This world will not be the same with out Dennis Brown in it!

Again, ditto to my last post!  What will spring bring for any of us? Are we living our "last moments" with someone we love? Are we living with out regrets?

When we found out about Dennis, I looked at Doug and said, " Heaven was looking  for a good guy and you didn't make the cut, Dennis did. How does that feel?"  We were laughing pretty hard:)

Take time to smile a little bigger, hug a little longer, and listen a little better to those we love!

real moments...

There have been multiple things that have happened this summer that have made me revaluate my priorities.  I feel incredibly blessed because of my trials with infertility because it has made me realize what a gift life is!  Every night I lay in bed and and take a look at the last 20 hours.....I rarely have any regrets as a wife and a mother. Now there are plenty of things I can do better but for the most part I can say ,"I tried my hardest and I will try even harder tomorrow!"  I try so hard not to live with regrets..

When Doug got his final diagnosis......"YOU HAVE CANCER"... We thought,"what does this mean?"  All these "what if's" were filling every thought.  'what does this mean for our family?' 'what does this mean for his mortal body?' 'how long will this fight be?'  'how are my children, especially Sam, going to handle this?'   'what will a year bring?'  We completely trusted in the Lords plan. We felt 100% peace in His will. That didn't change the wondering of what was going to happen.

On Sept. 8th Doug came home from work early.  He was in more discomfort, more weak, and more anemic than I had ever before seen him.  He got out of his car and I watched him bent over limping to the garbage trying to throw something away. He struggled as he lifted the garbage lid. He hobbled into the garage for a moment to see my dad who was working in there and then limped his way up our front steps.  When I saw Doug I knew all he wanted to do was go lay down.   In the mean time, Ethan, our 6 year old, had been observing the weather ALL day long.  It was windy and that meant 1 thing for him, he and dad were going to fly a kite!  He had went and found dad's big kite, pulled it out of it's container, and with his little knowledge was starting to get it ready. When Doug opened the front door there was Ethan, "Dad I almost got it all ready, it is a perfect day for flying a kite. COME ON DAD!" Doug kinda gave a smile and I then I bent down to explain to Ethan that daddy was sick and needed to lay down.  Doug knew that Ethan's heart would sink if he didn't go with him.  So being the kind of dad that Doug is, Doug told me, " I got this hun!" Doug, under any circumstance, wouldn't rather be anywhere in the world than with his kids! I watched out our big front window as together they finished putting the kite together and out they went. I sat here in the house with my mom and could not control my tears. They came fast and freely and the emotional pain I felt hurt. I couldn't stand the thought of "what is going to happen".... Do I need to start counting moments as "lasts"?  The last time......  and the question that just kept coming over and over was, "what will spring bring?"  At that time the diagnosis was grim and we didn't know what spring brought but this is a question for all of us to ask ourselves....  

"What does spring bring for any of us?" This could be any of our  "lasts" and are we living  with no regrets?  Are we living like these could be our last moments with our friends? parents? neighbors? spouses? and our children?  Are our lives in accordance with His will?  I am blessed that this trial came my way to take a step back and live my life so someday when I do meet my Savior I can honestly look Him in the eye and tell him,"I did my best!"

How often do we take life for granted?  Speaking for myself...More than I should, multiple times a day.  I think it is just part of being mortal.  We forget to give credit to God that gives us every breath we take.  Knowing very well that at any moment he could take that simple breath away.

May we all go to bed tonight with NO REGRETS!

eventful evening...

Last night I found myself driving Izzy to the ER laughing all the way there.  
After family home evening the kids went outside to play on the swing and trampoline.  This is where we spend most of our nights.  I could hear Ethan, Isaac, Sam and Izzy playing a family favorite, "ring around the rosie."  Apparently Izzy didn't stand up quick enough to Ethan's liking so he thought he would yank her up!  Ya know that brotherly love:)  Izzy started screaming and Sam took her in and turned on a movie and we didn't think much about it until about 30 minutes later when she starts crying again.  Doug's mom, who happened to be here & is a great nurse, looked at it and thought for certain it was broken.  She recommended we take her to the ER because her little wrist was poking out.  There was a definite bump and swelling!  Doug was feeling a little too weak and tired so he stayed home and we called my brother-in-law, Dave,  over to help and to lift kids into bed.  
As I drove to the hospital I truly laughed most of the way there. How ironic we were headed back there. I almost could drive there with my eyes closed:o) 
I met my in-laws at the hospital where they helped me with Izzy.  They put us in the exact room we were in a week and a half ago when Doug was in there.   Our nurse was my great friends husband, Nick. That was fun!   They took x-rays, and realized that no bones were broken.  The Doctor came  in and tried to pop it back into place and figured it was either dislocated or maybe the growth plate had slipped.  With all the drama and an expensive trip to the ER she woke up this morning telling us, "it's all better daddy!" We kept her on tylenol and she is fine.  

She kept telling me she was a ,"sad baby"