Cancerversary:

It is interesting how we can look back at certain dates in time and gage our lives accordingly.

9/11  2002 was the first time I really remember doing this. It was the first anniversary of "9/11"…A day that the our lives were forever changed.  A moment in time when we lost a sense of our security.  The nation changed… the world changed.  We were stripped of peace as we knew it as we all watched the planes that morning, glued to the televisions and radios recounting over and over what had happened.  I remember feeling frustrated that I couldn't help what was happening,  it was in that moment I realized that what I could control was what was happening in my home.  I had a profound moment, a deep look into myself and my family that I CAN change what is happening.  It was an evaluation of my life, my spirituality and my relationship with my Heavenly Father.

That day I took a deep long look of who I was and what I wanted to be.  I made a promise to myself that I would strive for greater things, things of eternal importance. I made spiritual (reachable) goals.  Nothing grand just to start trying harder.  9/11  2002, exactly 1 year later, I looked back at my life.  I continued to feel like the world was in shambles but had more peace than I had ever before.  Me and Doug and our sweet little Sam lived in Utah.  At the time I was experiencing medical issues and was working closely with the U of U hospital.  Physically I felt like a mess:) but spiritually I gaged where I was just the year before and realized I was changing.  Every year on 9/11 I again evaluate my life and recommit to a more spiritual life.

9/11 2010~ We had received the news of Doug's cancer a few days earlier.  Words that no one ever expects.  It felt like a punch in the gut.  The diagnosis at first was gloom and discouraging.  Although Doug seemed pretty fine with it I wasn't:) We had an incredible marriage, 4 beautiful children and an AWESOME life!  I didn't want anything to happen to him, to US! It didn't take me very long to realize that I would only feel peace if I trusted in the Lord.  Neal A. Maxwell said, "Faith also includes trust in God's timing."  I tried so hard to apply this teaching to my life during that time and let Thy will be done.  I prayed…I prayed hard for understanding.  

Doug was scheduled for surgery on a later date.  On 9/11 2010 he ended up being rushed to the hospital where he underwent an emergency right hemi-colectomy.   

         

 I sat in the waiting room with so many unknown questions and answers.  I glanced up at the television and realized, it was 9/11.  I had forgotten. "A day to never be forgotten." I was so caught up in the happenings of my own life I had forgotten.  I quickly remembered the promise I had made 9 years earlier to strive for greater things, things of eternal importance!  I, again, took a look at my life, my family, and my spirituality.  As Doug was having surgery and my life was unknown…with a fervent heart I prayed …"and I did find peace in my soul." Alma 38:8.   Doug and I were sealed for time and eternity.  Nothing was going to break that bond.  Our children were ours FOREVER! Surgery went well though we still didn't have the final news of the stage of his cancer.

People visited, like 100's of people.  1 person in particular, who I adore, came to our room expecting to find us sad and in a state of disarray.  He was a young college boy, living a fun life, thinking he had it all.  We had an amazing talk that evening about eternal life and the peace that we had knowing that no matter the outcome we will have each other and our family forever.  This was eye-opening for him.  Here he was thinking he had it all with all his friends and 'stuff.'  It forced him to take a deeper look into his life.  From that moment on he made a change~a change for better!  A CHANGE FOREVER!  He is literally, right now, changing the world in Africa.     

Wherever we are, whatever we are doing…Change for the better.  There is always a place to start.  It is like the saying goes, the best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago, the next best time is today.  Our Heavenly Father wants us to Come Unto Him!

While we were going through all this we knew that cancer is a physical journey but we also knew that we were going to be given an opportunity to be on a spiritual journey as well!  We have understood this well through the trials we have gone through. It is a time to strengthen our testimonies, pray harder, and to realize that…"in the strength of the Lord thou canst do all things."  Alma 20:4  We can make it! Even in those dark hours and when our soul is racked is sadness or torment, through the Atonement of Jesus Christ we can do all things! 

So today on 9/11 2014 I, again, take another look at my life.  What have I been working on? Where have I fallen short? And am I trying harder than I did last year? How can I be better? (maybe I won't answer all these questions to you:))

We never know when our earthly test is over.  I am reminded of that through so many things our family has experienced.  In the mean time I will continue to try to keep an eternal perspective, and realize these experience are for us to grow. 

Have a great day everyone!

LiveSTRONG in your spiritual lives!

Farrah Kaye

Update....at last

So it has been a year since anything happened worth writing about, or so it would seem from the contents of the blog. A friend commented... "Handel is good, but I am getting tired of the Hallelujah chorus.

So here is something new.

Favorite Song EVER!!!

...this is Doug's favorite song...

The following is a history of Handel and the song he composed.

HANDEL AND THE GIFT OF MESSIAH by Spencer J. Condie George Frideric Handel seemed to have been born a musician. As a young lad in Germany, he became proficient on both the violin and the organ. After composing his ­first opera in Germany, he moved to Italy, the operatic center of the world, to try his hand at musical composition in the Italian style. There he achieved some success in composing operas and chamber music. In 1711, at age 26, Handel decided to move to England, where his operas and oratorios initially gained acceptance. By the late 1730s, however, British audiences had become less enthusiastic about operas sung in German or Italian; instead, they favored comedic performances such as The Beggar’s Opera. Thus, for several years Handel struggled to keep the wolves—his creditors—away from the door. In 1737, after pushing himself to his physical limits by composing four operas within 12 months, the 52-year-old composer suffered a stroke, leaving his right arm temporarily paralyzed. A doctor told Handel’s faithful secretary: “We may save the man—but the musician is lost forever. It seems to me that his brain has been permanently injured.” ­ The composer denied the diagnosis. Over time his body responded to treatment in the thermal springs at Aix-la-Chapelle (Aachen, Germany), and he recovered his physical strength. After testing his ability to play the organ at a nearby cathedral, he jubilantly proclaimed, “I have come back from Hades.” ­ When he returned to London and resumed composing operas, his work was not well received, and creditors began to hound him again. In the depths of despondency, he began to wonder, “Why did God permit my resurrection, only to allow my fellow-men to bury me again?”  In April 1741 Handel held what he assumed would be a farewell concert. His creativity was spent. A biographer wrote: “There was nothing to begin or to ­finish. Handel was faced with emptiness.” ­ Late one August afternoon that same year, Handel returned from a long and tiring walk to ­ find that a poet and previous collaborator, Charles Jennens, had left him a manuscript. This libretto quoted liberally from the scriptures, particularly the words of Isaiah, foretelling the birth of Jesus Christ and describing His ministry, Cruci­fixion, and Resurrection. The work was to be an oratorio. Given his previous failures, Handel was apprehensive as he began to read through the text. “Comfort Ye,” the rest words of the manuscript seemed to leap from the page. They dissipated dark clouds that had been pressing upon Handel for so long. His depression waned and his emotions warmed from interest to excitement as he continued to read of angelic proclamations of the Savior’s birth and of Isaiah’s prophecies of the Messiah, who would come to earth to be born as other mortal infants. A familiar melody Handel had composed earlier flooded into his mind as he read “For unto Us a Child Is Born.” The notes distilled upon his mind faster than he could put pencil to paper as he captured the image of the loving Good Shepherd in the aria titled “He Shall Feed His Flock.” Then came the overpowering exultation in the “Hallelujah Chorus,” followed by the soft, supernal testimony of “I Know That My Redeemer Liveth.” The work came to its majestic conclusion with “Worthy Is the Lamb.” After all the music he had composed throughout his lifetime, Handel would eventually be known worldwide for this singular work, Messiah, largely composed in just three weeks during the late summer of 1741. Upon completing his composition, he humbly acknowledged, “God has visited me.” ­ Those who feel the touch of the Holy Spirit as they experience the overpowering testimony of Handel’s Messiah would agree. At the end of our divinely ordained days, may we be able to acknowledge, with Handel, that God has visited us.

halloween!

Doug has a good friend from work carve this pumpkin for him.  It is the little "peeing boy",  ya know the one that pees on Ford or Chevy... Well he is peeing on cancer:)  Thanks Matt Cox. Very clever.

It was also my incredible dad's birthday.  He turned 68 and at some point that man has to start acting his age:)  He amazes everyone with his youthful and healthy body! We had so much fun parting with him and the family.  We always have fun halloween games and then my parents have a hillarious tradition. They like to "practice" holidays....So we practiced trick-or-treating. The kids always love that!  Just what they need is more candy...Actually my mom usually tries to do as little candy as possible and buys little toys. The kids go crazy--- They go around to almost every door in the house where all the parents are dressed up and waiting for them..  So much fun:)

Here are a few of the goodies I always like to make during October.  Spider bread and yummy halloween treats.

We had a costume party this last weekend.  You should have seen what Doug went as... Pictures to come:)  Get ready for a laugh!

the greatest group of women!

A few weeks ago we went on a girls weekend.  Me my incredible mom and sisters and niece, Elizabeth.  We went to Utah and shopped and shopped and played and ATE! You should have seen the suburban we were in, it had so many bags we were sitting on them and holding them just to make more room:)   

My mother gave us a gift.....She called it her gift from "mother nature!"  She had money for all of us and also an awesome brother-in-law gave us all some spending money.  That made shopping so much more fun:))  Me and my mom have this hilarious tradition when we go on these 'girls weekends.'  disclaimer: no one judge me for this...  Last year we made tampon ghost so this year, sticking to the 'feminine theme' we made kotex flip flops to decorate the room. It was truly so funny.

 It was so rejuvenating.  It felt so great to get out and leave the cares of the world behind.  We laughed until our stomaches hurt,  cried until our mascara ran, and talked until we fell asleep. 

I love these woman more than I could ever write.  They have been my rocks these last few months.

A funeral without dying!

A funeral without Dying?

Doug has been and continues to be overwhelmed with the out pouring of love and concern in his behalf.  He told me the other day, "it is like having a funeral without dying." We have always thought this would be a great idea.  If we really knew how many people cared and all the nice things people said about us....It would give us a boost. Instead we have to hear all these great things when we are on the other side listening to our own funeral:)

My sister's father-in-law, who recently passed away, said something so funny to her once. He said, "Mel, you are going to have a huge funeral." It was a very random thought of his but he was referring to how many friends she has.  We still get a great laugh out of  this.  It was a good "Dennisism."  I was thinking this about Doug...  With the amount of people who have visited, wrote us cards and have told us they were praying for him.... I thought...Doug would have a HUGE funeral:)  

Another thing I really have been thinking about is how many people would openly tell Doug, "I love you."  Family, friends (both close and distant),  and neighbors.  They would even tell me the same thing.  Why is it that we have to wait for a trial or affliction to tell someone how we feel.  Why don't we say these words more often and when we feel them? Are we ashamed we love people? Elder David A. Bednar shared his thoughts on love during this talk, 'More Diligent and Concerned at Home".  He had some excellent points.  He said, "We can begin to become more diligent and concerned at home by telling the people we love that we love them. Such expressions do not need to be flowery or lengthy. We simply should sincerely and frequently express love...  We should remember that saying “I love you” is only a beginning. We need to say it, we need to mean it, and most importantly we need consistently to show it. We need to both express and demonstrate love."  (I want to add that not only at home but in our everyday life with the ones we associate with and love.)

Henry B. Eyring said, "Our way of life, hour by hour, must be filled with the love of God and love for others."

I want us all to think about this a little more.  It goes along with my life motto, "living without regrets."  Take the time to say the things to people you wouldn't normally say!  If they weren't here tomorrow, what would you wish you would have told them?

President Thomas S. Monson recently counseled: “Often we assume that [the people around us] must know how much we love them. But we should never assume; we should let them know. … We will never regret the kind words spoken or the affection shown. Rather, our regrets will come if such things are omitted from our relationships with those who mean the most to us” (“Finding Joy in the Journey,” Liahona and Ensign, Nov. 2008, 86).

Josh

This post is for my super awesome nephew Josh.  He has made a huge turn around in his life.  He has allowed the experience that we have gone through to touch his life for the better.  

NATE.

JOSH.

I wish you could all know a couple of my favorite guys.  Josh who is currently attending USU and his brother Nate who is at Rocky Mountain High School.  Both young men are incredibly strong and courageous.  They have something very special about them. They are leaders in everything they do.  When you are around them you don't want to leave their presence, it is special, a quiet strength.  It is something you can't quite put your finger on but it is powerful.  Josh, more the people pleaser, is energetic and fun.  Nate, also fun but a magnet.  You will never see him without many people around him because people feel his spirit and light.  He radiates!  He is far more mature (than me:))... more mature than his age and truly one of the most awesome young men I know! A large part they are this way is my sister, Michelle, and her husband, Rob, and how they raise their children.  All 5 of their children have this "specialness" about them.  They hold strong to the truths of the gospel and their characters testify of it.  Their oldest daughter, Elizabeth,  is unlike ANYONE I have known.  Her love for our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ is like none other I have EVER seen.  In an adult or child.  She has a gift, I call it the gift of "getting it"...She has an eternal perspective that will continue to bless her life forever.

Back to my nephew Josh.  He was, like a lot of teenage boys, wondering where life was taking him.   Right before Doug was diagnosed he emailed me randomly, telling me that he loved us and felt like he should pray for us.   (uh alright? I was like,"is there something wrong with us:)) Josh was just in tune.

He later wrote Doug a very touching letter. I got his permission to share some of it with you. 

"At the hospital last week I realized something that has changed my life forever.  I realized that you were more content about life than I was.  You were the one suffering from cancer and you were a more content person than me.  This really made me realize a few things that changed me.  The gospel had to be true otherwise you would not be as confident about the situation and whatever might happen as you were.... 

I feel bad because I know part of the reason you had to go through this was for me.  It has saved my life and I mean that.  I don’t know how I could ever thank you for what you have done....

I will wear this Livestrong wrist band until I go on my mission to remind me of what you did and what I need to do... I spent the last hour crying in thankfulness for my new found Live strong life.  Tonight I officially lock the chest to my past life and look to the future but I just wanted to thank you before I throw the key away.  You’re awesome!  May we go forth on our missions in life and live strong!"

Josh, you have truly inspired us.  We are stronger and better because of your influence.  Way to continue in your  new found life!

Love you! Baber
I said from the very beginning of this whole cancer thing, that miracles were going to happen.  Things like this don't happen without people's lives changing and our testimonies growing stronger.  We even had a friend tell us he started praying because he was  so worried.  During trials,  our lives change for the better, if we let it!  It is His plan.